Monday, December 27, 2010

Press Pause

'I took a deep breath and listened to the old bray of my heart: I am, I am, I am. '~Sylvia Plath


It is week two of vacation, now it is more of a stay-cation. Besides pay a few bills online, I really do not have anything to do - and it is wonderful.

Spending time with my books, with my blog, with my movies, with my music.. and maybe a sprinkle or two of friends - will be the end of my 2010.

In typical bloggy-fashion, I have been taking stock of my year. Thinking of all of the changes that have taken place (both good and bad) and where 2011 will lead. I remember saying I felt like I was being prepped for something... who knew it would be something as big (for me) for the possibility of uprooting myself.

Some of you may be wondering why it worries me so. The truth is, and many of you who have been following know this - it's the egyptian. I love this man so much, but the past year has been tough. The cultural differences are just too much most days. (And I am the queen of international friendships!) I worry that uprooting, and moving far away from my friends and family (and then NOT getting along) would be too much for me to handle.

I try really hard, lord knows I do, but he is so edgy. He says it is because he is so unhappy in Birmingham. Which, I get. He believes if he is in a city like NYC, he can spread his wings and fly (so to speak in a cheesy way.)

I am trusting (ahhh... see my word of the year) in the process. I am going to take my own advice (thank you Telisa for the reminder) and enjoy the journey. That is what I preach, then by God, that is what I will do.

In the meantime, I will press pause on worry. I will put one foot in front of the other, I will breathe in and breathe out, and I will concentrate on my daily routine.

I will follow Thich Nhat Hanh's advice and: Smile, breathe and go slowly.

5 comments:

Renee said...

Birmingham to NYC? Yikes! That's a huge cultural change. I grew up in New York state (the rural part far from The City) and it was like moving to another country when I moved to southeast Georgia.

I'll tell you it was tough in the beginning and lots of homesickness, but it passed and I learned to love it. It helped that my best friend since infancy lived 45 minutes away, though.

Good luck. And if it's any consolation, there's a ton to do in NYC and I'm sure you'll make friends quickly.

Jen G-son said...

It's very brave of you to do something like this for someone you love. I think in the end, the reward will be worth it!

Annie Joy said...

That is quite a transition and I'm sure that you will make the best decision you can with the information and the emotional wisdom you have. Then, if you choose to go, you will have the opportunity for many new experiences which, as they say, will be all gravy, whether or not your heart decides that is where you want to stay. My best wishes and hopes go with you for the very best outcome for you and the man you love! Annie

Robin said...

All I can say is to pray about this and do what you are feeling led to do. I have lived in NYC and it is NOTHING like living in the south. I live in GA now, so I know of what I speak. The truth is that living anywhere that you don't have close friends or family is very difficult. Those relationships don't just happen. It is very lonely living in a place where you don't have a single person that you feel connected to outside of your husband. All that said... I am not saying to not do it. I am saying to think it over long and hard. If you feel more disconnected in NYC than you do now, what kind of strain will that put on your relationship?

Kamila said...

That's a great advice.. breath and go slowly... Hmmmm.... And yeah... worry doesn't do anything good for anybody...

Hmmm... bow to your optimism!!! x)

Have a blast new year!

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