It finally hit me last night. No really - it hit me.
I have been telling everyone I am actually excited about the egyptian moving to NYC.. (well, to be perfectly honest.. he has been a jackass the past week or two.)
But the truth is...
Because THIS time.. I am not sure when we will see each other again.
Yes, we have plans to reconnect in NYC. Or if a miracle happened and I was able to land an amazing job (I don't expect that to happen.) Heck, I'm really not even trying.
Why? Because there was one little thing the egyptian told me..
I asked him, "Hey - are you taking all of your things?" He replied, "No, I am only taking my winter clothes, nothing else."
Perhaps he just wants to get it out of his system. Perhaps he just wants to save a little money.
He changed his tone after I mentioned (about a week or so ago) - that worse case scenario, he could always stay up there through spring, save all of his money - come back and he would have enough for a car. He replied, "Yeah.. that's a good idea."
Yep, it was THAT easy.
See, it's not that I DON'T want to live there. I think it would be waaaay cooler than awesome. But I DON'T want to move up there and be.. well.. poor. The cost of living is ridiculous and the job market is extremely competitive. I'm for it.. just not now.
I have a different plan in my head. Which I will reveal in due time. But for now... we will wait and see.
That takes me back to my moment of truth last night. I went to bed before him, and just lay there staring at the ceiling. Suddenly two tears just rolled down my cheeks (really more off to the side of my head, since I was laying on my back.)
Yes, he can be an a$$hole. But he is my a$$hole.